Tag Archives: death

Loss

Posted by Amy in Death and tagged with ,

I woke up this morning to learn that a friend had passed away.  We weren’t close, really.  We worked together at a summer job for a couple of years, kept in touch lightly after that.  I lost contact with her for several years, then reconnected with her on Facebook.  It was at that point that I learned she’d already been dealing with cancer for some years.  I tracked her progress as she continued to battle, and I saw what an inspiration she was to those around her.  Judging by the volume of comments when her husband posted about her passing, she appears to have touched hundreds of people over her short time in this world.

We first met before we worked together.  We were introduced by mutual friends who knew we would both be working at the same summer job.  I recall thinking that she seemed nice enough and that I was glad to have met someone so I wouldn’t be stranded with strangers for two months.  As it turned out, I underestimated her.  She wasn’t simply “nice.”  She was energetic, fun, good at her job, intelligent, and had a great sense of humor.  Those two summers turned out to be the high point of my college years.  As everything else in my “real” life fell apart, I had those few months of shelter from the storms.  This amazing young woman was part of that, and I am grateful to have known her.

To all who knew my friend, I am sorry for our loss.  May the things we loved about her live on in us, as we treasure our time with her and our memories of her.

Talking to Kids about Death

Posted by Amy in Death, Life and tagged with ,

This morning, I had to share with the kids that a family member’s pet had died.  They were sad, as they had loved this pet, but they took it pretty well.  I wonder if this is because it wasn’t their pet, they are familiar with death, or a combination of both.

The kids are no strangers to having someone they love pass on.  Their favorite uncle, my husband’s brother, died when they were two and four.  They still talk about him–how much they loved him, how much fun they had together, how he was sick and went to live with God.  Sometimes they are a little sad, especially J, who was older and remembered him better.  They love to hear stories about their uncle.  One of their favorites is when he stayed with us when S was born.  Because my husband had to work, a friend stayed with J and my brother-in-law picked S and me up from the hospital.  First, we had to wait 45 minutes for discharge because the nurse kept forgetting about me.  He was the voice of reason, telling me not to panic, that we’d eventually get out of there.  Then, on the way home, he drove under the speed limit the whole way because he didn’t want to do anything that would endanger his new niece.  He said it was because he was afraid of what I’d do to him if he got in an accident with the baby in the car; I knew better.

The kids’ experience with death is very different from my own.  No one close to me died until I was in college.  I had two great-grandparents die, but I didn’t know them well.  They were old and it just seemed sort of like the cycle of life to me.  My dad’s father died when I was about 16, but I didn’t know him well, either.  At that point, I had only ever seen my father’s parents a handful of times in my entire life.  Having someone I knew well, and loved, die was a shock to my system.

When something happens now, I don’t shy away from talking to the kids.  I see no point in lying to “protect” them.  There is no pretending:  People and pets die.  At the same time, I do my best to leave room for them to be sad, to ask questions, to talk about things as they need to.  I had hoped the kids would be older before they had to deal with something like this, but reality is unavoidable.  I can only hope that the way we handled it as parents was appropriate and helped them process and understand their grief.

Have you had to talk to your kids about death and dying?  How have you handled it?